From Mess To Miracle

Trigger warning: Content may be distressing or cause unease. Use Viewer/listener discretion.

Today's episode of Reflective Hour with Host Tammy Toney-Butler highlights the journey of a mighty woman of God who moved from "Mess to Miracle."

Lena Cebula, author, speaker, overcomer, mother, wife, and mentor, joins us in opening the book of her life to us. 

Raw, honest, and vulnerable, Lena's story Is a testament to the power of authenticity and the transformative work of Christ in and through us.

Lena will take the viewer/listener on a journey as she discusses her book Miraculous: My Journey from Hell to Heaven.

Lena is the host of the LOVE&BLOVED Podcast.

Check out and purchase Lena's book here: https://www.amazon.com/Miraculous-My-journey-hell-heaven/dp/1545673403

Check out Lena's Podcast here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/love-bloved-with-lena-cebula/id1556116036

Join us as we walk to wholeness together in Christ.

Join Tammy Toney-Butler on the Reflective Hour Podcast and YouTube channel for healing support. https://reflectivehourwithtammytoneybutler.buzzsprout.com/

You can purchase her book on Amazon Kindle, "When you know, that you know, that you know there is a God." 

https://www.amazon.com/stores/Tammy-Toney-Butler/author/B0DC1VXP45?ref=ap_rdr&isDramIntegrated=true&shoppingPortalEnabled=true

Check out the ministry website at www.reflectivespacesministry.com

Click on the link to donate to further her reach and God's call on her life to minister to the sick, broken, hurting, and marginalized: 
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Hotline numbers: https://www.reflectivespacesministry.com/contact

About Tammy: https://www.reflectivespacesministry.com/about

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Transcript

Welcome to Reflective Hour with Tammy Toney-Butler. I am your host, but we all know who the host of this show is, and that's Christ. Today we have a very special guest, a mighty woman of God who has helped me and mentored me so much along my own journey of venturing out into podcasting and reaching people through film and multimedias. And it's just about transformative healing. And so our guest today is going to be Lena Cebula. And I am just praying that I said her name correctly. But I am bringing up the graphics. It is speaker and guest. She is our special guest, our author, again, Lena Cebula. And her book is Miraculous, My Journey from Hell to Heaven. So we are going to welcome Lena onto the stage. Hello, how are you guys? I'm so grateful to be here. Thank you so much for inviting me, Tammy. Oh, Lena, I just, I cannot thank you enough for when the Lord spoke into existence, Reflective Hour. And I remember reaching out to you and saying, Lena, I think God wants me to do a podcast. He already named it. And I didn't know how to do anything. And you were so gracious and took of your time, which is the most precious thing that we have. And you gave your expertise to me. And I remember being a guest on your show, Love&BLoved, and just your heart, your heart, your testimony. I didn't want to even talk about me. I just wanted to hear more about you. And so for God to give me the opportunity to build this podcast and bring you on as a guest, I'm just thrilled. I'm humbled and honored and I'm going to open us up in prayer and then I'm just going to get right into asking you some questions. Absolutely. Oh, Holy Spirit, just come. Have your way in this time together because this is your podcast. This is your podcast. Lena and I are just servants, Lord, servants of the Lord. Filthy rags until you saw fit to put your robe of righteousness on us and transform us from the inside out. We glorify you and exalt you in all we do. And we pray that today we reach the one. For even if ninety-nine are safe, you go after the one. And today this is about the one. In the mighty name of Lord Jesus, we pray. Amen. Amen, amen. And I know you want to jump in, but I just want to give you this compliment because when you came to me with this idea, Uh, literally you just hit the ground running. Like you were so amazing. I give you all the information, but it's, uh, was up to you, what you doing with that. And you just got in and I see what you're doing for your community, for the world, for God. And I'm just so amazed. I like literally have goosebumps. I'm so grateful. to be here today. I'm so grateful what you're doing. You're just fantastic. I don't know. If you guys listening to this podcast, listen previous episodes, amazing host, because in the beginning you started by yourself and now you're branching up into the guests. And I'm just so excited to see because it looks so amazing. Everything about you, your background, the way you speak. It just like that, that wasn't me. This is you and Jesus. So I just want to say that straight out of the bat because like you, you just such a, such a good godly woman and you just listen to the Holy Spirit and you just doing it. So I'm really proud of you and you're awesome. Oh, Lainey, you're just so gracious and kind. Thank you so much. And, you know, the Holy Spirit changed me and transformed me and I give him all the glory. And, you know, our goal, right, is for everybody to see him because we aren't the ones that are healing people. It's him. And I'm just humbled and honored. And thank you again for that. And, you know, he has placed on my heart, Lena, that you have a special message today to reach someone. And I don't know who it is, but you're going to be ministering to someone and maybe a lot of someones. So, I know that you follow the spirit of the Lord and I just want to open it up my platform to you and say, what is it that God has laid on your heart? You talk about your book, you talk about your testimony. You have such an amazing story and I just want you to feel comfortable sharing whatever it is you want to share. So have the floor. Thank you so much. So I think we're going to start from the beginning. First of all, I would never have imagined that after twenty years of silence, this is what I'm going to be doing, being on stage in front of hundreds of people, and that my story is going to be broadcasted all over social media. Because in the past, I believed that it was the story of shame and guilt and condemnation. But now I know this is God's story of salvation. So, I was born and raised in USSR, but that time we reside in Ukraine. So, when I was eleven, my country fall apart and Ukraine claim the independence. So, my family, like my parents already struggle in their marriage and this discord in the country just pour the oil into the fire. became an alcoholics and they didn't have like any support um so they actually lost their well-paid jobs and my house was infested with cockroaches mice black mold and we really um were struggling poverty. And I was hungry all the time. I was literally starving. So my house was always full of strangers. They brought booze and drugs, but they brought food as well. So I was hanging around thinking I will score something to eat. That's how I became a target for those guys from very early age. And I was raped and beaten and abused. numerous times in in my own home so when I thought things couldn't get any worse one month before my fifteenth birthday I woke up with severe abdominal pain and I was scared and confused only to realize I was in labor so I didn't know I was pregnant I didn't know who her father was And one thing I knew that it's going to be complication because I already was smoking and drinking to try to cope with everything that was going on. And that was pretty much a product of my surroundings. And I deliver a baby girl and she passed away three months later. So I carry her casket to the cemetery in my arms. And for the next twenty years, that image just plagued my mind and my soul. So I start using like heavy drugs like heroin just to medicate my pain and just make Like my mind really like numb and turn off. It's so interesting right now because now I'm living in this beautiful country. I have beautiful three children, rambunctious, not the wonderful and perfect children, just in case for those mamas. Yes, but the fact is that seeing how much support I can get them and, you know, that time no adult partner up with me to actually asking the questions, you know, how come this like, thirteen year old end up with severe trauma to the head concussions and stuff being in a hospital with like drug and alcohol overdose where was like the police the government something you know so that's kind of heartbreaking and then fifteen year old having a baby there was like no social services came to me to figure out maybe this kid gonna have a postpartum or need some kind of grief counseling that was a bizarre thing for me to understand but that's why I turned to drugs I never really thought to end my life but I have thoughts if I don't wake up tomorrow it's okay because my life had like no worth no value not for myself not for anybody else because the way I treat myself and others treat me so but the fact like I was thinking about that I kind of submit to what was going on with me but when the baby come into my life that really broke me like it gave me severe heart palpitation anxiety and panic attacks because I felt like that I killed this baby by this behavior and it's And it's a hard thing for a fifteen-year-old to carry alone. So for three years, I really hardly remember anything. And now, because I'm Christian and I know God spoke to me, because I heard this clear thought in my head that it was saying, you've been made for more. It kind of surprised me because I'm thinking like, what is more in this life? Because there is no hopes and dreams for people like me. I was a street junkie. And interestingly enough, I started looking for this opportunity to get out. And then I saw people were dying around me who went to jail. and who died from overdose. And I was thinking, I'm really tired of this lifestyle. And then I met this guy who said, oh, I know the lady, like she gonna help you. This is exactly what I was looking for and what she's offering. And I got so excited and I met this lady. Oh my goodness, guys. She brought me to her house. She offered me fancy coffee and sweets. And yeah. And then she offered me a job. And I was so impressed because she was kind and compassionate and wealthy. And she treated me like a human. She didn't see or she saw through it. I don't know. It was such an interesting moment. So I kind of agree without really asking any questions. So this nice, rich-looking lady sold me into human trafficking into a foreign country. I end up being in Egypt. And from Egypt, they forced us to crawl under the barbed wire crossing the border into Israel. And they sold me into brothel in Israel. So I was there for almost two years. But interestingly enough, that one of my bodyguard in the brothel shared the gospel with me wow so if you guys think I'm sorry wow I've not heard lena's story and so you see my face and I can imagine when you're presenting and I wow okay and first of all I just I just have to say one thing you are so strong You are so strong and you are beautiful. And I also want you to know that no matter what happened to that little girl, it was not her fault. She was a child. She had never had to make those choices. And you're fearfully, beautifully and wonderfully made a daughter of the king. And I just your strength and your courage. I know you are helping someone even right now. I know it. So you keep going. Thank you. And you know what's interesting about this? When I hear this story, I've always listened to the enemy's lies about the shame and guilt and condemnation that And when I give it to God and allowed him to heal me through the writing of the book and to speaking out, this darkness literally did not have a hold on me anymore. And then hearing what you said, I so take this and I accept and embrace that because That's what happened in the light. And it's like, it wasn't me who's strong. God got me through it. And it was such a blessing. Now I praise him for he didn't allow me to die, but to live and to share this story. And I hope and pray it will help someone. So another thing that I really want to point it out to all of you who is sharing the gospel and sometimes thinking like, oh, this is not the right place. It's not the right time. Trust me, this guy, I don't know if he even understand that he has a ministry in a brothel and ministry. And now all these years later, I'm sharing the gospel and I'm so pumped on God, the same that he was, because that's what really attracted me to him because the way He was kind. Like, before, like, I was saying he's shiny. But now I know he was Christian and he was full of Jesus. And people are saying to me, how he end up in a brothel? Like, and I was explaining how. But now, really, doesn't matter. God put him there to speak to Christ into me and other girls, you know? And that's what there is now. Be bold and courageous. If God put you somewhere and you have a notch to share Jesus, just do it. You know, he doesn't even know that he planted the seed that grew twenty years later. You know, so it's just the opportunity. So that that was amazing. But for me, literally knowing that. God spoke to me and brought me to his presence in the brothel when I still was prostitute, drug addict, alcoholic. And when the emergency hit, like my grandfather had a heart attack. So this bodyguard, oh, like. took me to Jerusalem, to the welling wall. Do you understand guys? The Jesus took me from the brothel and I walk where Jesus walk. I just, the wall where Jesus was praying. It was mind blowing. But that time, I knew that I, people like me don't deserve mercy. I knew that, that like I'm nobody for this omnipotent God that this bodyguard talking to me about will show up for me, for me. So all I was praying about to save my grandfather life, I said to God, I don't know how to pray. I don't know if like, um, how to, like, do all this stuff. One, I think, no, if my grandfather gonna die, my grandmother, and it's gonna be such a, like, pain and grief, and I'm scared of grief and pain that time. Anyway, the point is, like, it was all for them. All I was praying, like, discard me, but save them. And I kid you not, guys, like, that time, I experienced the Holy Spirit. Wow. And I was asking my friend later on, like when I already became Christian, and I'm like, how come? Like I thought like you have to be like, you know, give your life to Christ. And that time she said to me that God judges the heart. And the heart was humble and the heart was like open because I in a hundred percent believed. I literally, I was so open. like trusting to him because I heard all these stories from this man about how God show up. And I'm like, okay, I need you here. I need you here. I know you can do it for them. I know you're powerful. I know you omnipotent. I know like everything. And it's so interesting because When I was going forward towards the wall, I had so much anxiety that I'm not good enough to ask him for that. But I never questioned if he will do it. You know, that was interesting. Like this faith was like so strong. And then I put my hands on on the wall and the wall was cold. And I was thinking like how it can be cold when it's like something, sixty degrees outside. But interestingly enough, and I had like so much peace. But now like I'm doing some cognitive therapies and stuff like that. Actually the texture can bring your mind from anxiety to peace. But I do believe God give me that in that moment to actually stop the anxiety and I start praying. And I pray for so long. And honestly, I don't remember anything except that I was like full of tears. And I definitely like the way I felt some other times when Holy Spirit went through me and prayed through me, I knew a hundred percent. I was like, I was full of Holy Spirit. And my grandfather actually lived another ten years. So, and he was, he was dying. He was in a coma. The doctor say, you know what, it's up to God. And it's interesting because the Russian doesn't say it's up to God, you know, in, in my city, at least they, because like we kind of move from like Russia, we didn't bring our kind of the, the, not the culture, but the, What words like I'm looking for? I don't know. We didn't bring any faith because we've been born in communism and especially my parents and grandparents. So we didn't really have any faith. So it's funny that they say it's in God's hands. That means like he's done. Yeah. But when I heard my grandma said it's in God's hand, I'm like, OK, then I'm going to God. So that was like pretty cool. And when I came home, actually, my grandpa said God saved me. But I was so scared and embarrassed to tell him that I pray for him because all my life they kind of... they put me down for questioning all this stuff. You know, they always like communism and all that stuff. And yeah, so it's interesting because that's how this is another God story because after that happened, I want to leave because I saw God show up for me and I was so grateful that I'm like, okay, I need to change my life. I want to do better. And listen, people do not just live this kind of situation in life unless you have been rescued. But by the grace of God, they allowed me to go home and, um, um, Yeah, I come back home. I thought I'm going to start a new life. But my other bodyguard stole all my possession and my trustworthy aunt stole all my money. So I was so devastated by this betrayal. So I just end up on drugs again because I couldn't cope with my anxieties and like all this mental health and anxiety. Anyway, that country at that time was, like, falling apart. There was, like, nothing. So, actually, I end up being right-hand of number one drug dealer in my city. And I had unlimited amount of power and money. money and influence because I was trying to now get that worth and value so I'm thinking like if I can have that status money I'm gonna be somebody you know and couple years later I was already doing the drugs of like five people and I have another like again that clear thought in my mind you've been made for more And I was thinking, what more? I'm going to end up in the cemetery because like this drugs or jail or like something's going to happen. But because it was constant feeling, I almost started believing that there is something more for me. So I left my city and I quit drugs called Turkey. So twice I get out from heroin by myself. And before I was thinking, oh, I'm so good in this and that because people die from withdrawals. But now I know God just saved me because no way it's possible. Because I don't know, I didn't know anyone who come off from this kind of like clean drugs and didn't get any damage to their psyche, body or just died. It's interesting that I actually went to the people who were drug addict, who I sold the drugs a long time ago and they quit drugs and they became Christians. They actually allowed me to stay in their house and go through withdrawals and take care of me and all that stuff. So I'm trying to, like, be a normal person for a little bit. But you know what? When, like, so much money came through my hands and there was nowhere I could plug myself in to, like, contribute somehow. Like, I don't know. Like, it's... That's what like about the addiction, you know, just like, oh, it just disappear. And because my faith was kind of like withering away, kind of go on a back burner. So like I'm again alone, isolated, poor, you know, hungry, cold. And it's triggering again that my childhood. So I didn't know what to do with that. Yeah. Second time I went and they sold my body because it was my commodity and my ticket. And I said to them, like, like, take me anywhere. And this time they brought me to Canada. But in Canada, they start the paperwork for me to stay in this country because it was cheaper for them for me to stay. They would deport me because I don't have documents anymore. And then they allowed me to go to school to learn English. So I'm thinking, okay, so government know that I'm here. So I'm going to learn English. And I'm with the people who are newcomers who talking about law and freedom and rights. I'm like, what the heck is rights? What is this? I was like over twenty years old when I discovered that I have human rights. That's how bizarre that I can actually say and do something and create boundaries. So it's like, honestly, I couldn't stop thinking about this, that I'm actually human. I'm not, so I have some worth because I'm a human being. And it's interesting that I, this is worth interesting, keep coming to me, like it's word of the day for me. Yeah. Interesting. Interesting. Interesting. I think if we replace it like, but Holy Spirit didn't let me, you know, just those thoughts. And I constantly was thinking, oh, I chose to run away. And I think because. there was so much threat you know like if you run or something happened we will kill you kill your family um all that stuff that the girls don't run and I think because they saw me that I was a slave you know and I already was on coke and on crack here so like I was I was bound to them so no way I would run. But I did. So I went to the women's shelter and got off from the drugs again. And then I met one person who was helping me to get my life together. And I went on welfare for like six months to finish the school. And I got my first job here in Canada. And my first apartment. And I went to cosmetology credit, government credit school. And I finished. I got my license and become a hairstylist. And I was a hairstylist for sixteen years. Met my husband. Have our three beautiful children. But then God... changed my life completely. And we will talk about this a little bit. But interestingly enough, but what happened is because all my life I believed if I'm going to be clean from drugs, I'm going to have a good home. If I'm going to have a good man, if I'm going to have a good mindset, if I'm going to have all this stuff, because that's how my grandma taught me, yes? Because of the communists, you can do everything on your own. So I have that list. If I achieve that, I'm going to have peace, joy, value, purpose, passion. And guess what, guys? God allowed me to have it all. And I lived in hell. Like I had everything that I ever wanted. like Todd gonna bring me peace and I lived in hell there was no peace no joy because I have postpartum I have PTSD I have so much anxiety and fear I have no trust really in people I have no trust in the future so that was bad and then I met Jesus and give my life to Christ Well, I tell you, that's a lot there that I want to unpack. And I will apologize now. There is a rainstorm. We're in Florida, so it's raining and thunder, you know, lightning and everything. I don't know if you can hear it. But anyway, what struck me with your story, Lena, and so many others like us is several things. First of all, we cope with what happened to us because we were children. It should never have been our portion. That was not for us. That was evil that came into our lives. And our parents, who were supposed to protect us, opened us up to victimization, my mom included. But I don't fault my mom because she had her own trauma as well. So it's this vicious cycle. But we cope through addiction. And if we don't pluck the root, which is I wasn't loved by my father, he died by suicide, or my mom opened me up to being victimized. I didn't have that love. I did not have what I needed, that Maslow's hierarchy of needs of a place to sleep, shelter, and love and belonging to be able to grow into who God had called me to be. So what do we do? We the trauma is going to come out and anybody that's read Pete Walker's book, the four F responses, it's going to come out in your behavior. It's going to come out through coping, through addiction. It's going to come out by you working a lot, striving to be the best that you can be. I'm going to make so much money. No one will ever victimize me again. And then we become the God of our own life. And we actually take God off the throne and put ourselves on the throne. But you know, we never had control. It was taken from us. So when we get to the root and realize, wow, Christ died so that we could live an abundant life. We are worthy. I mean, look at the woman at the well in Samaria. You know, look at the woman with the issue of blood. Christ looks at the heart, like you said, in your case. And we're raw and real and vulnerable. That's when he does his greatest work. And he is ready to transform us, to break that yoke of bondage off of our life and to uproot the lies of the past. Because you are worthy. You are fearfully, beautifully and wonderfully made a daughter or son of the king. And Christ is in you and with you and moving through you. And it is power. There is power in the testimony and everything that you went through. He is going to use that pain, that tribulation, that he's going to just propel you onto that purposeful path. And that is what you've been on. You know, since I met you, I think I spoke into your life and gave you a prophetic word. And I've seen that it's come to pass with you, Zonta, and everything you're doing. And you're just this woman that's out there on this mission to let others know that, yes, you can go through the darkness. And, yes, you can go through horrible things. But Christ will reach down and pick you up and pull you out of that miry pit and set you free. Free from addiction. Free from bondage. free from shame and guilt and fear and regret. And you can walk into the fullness of who he has called you to be. And you are a living, breathing testament example of Christ and the word. And look at you to take that and to put it into a book, a book that is helping so many. And I'm going to try to bring it back on the stage. Tell us a little bit about your book, Miraculous. Yes. When I give my life to Christ, I think it's been five years that he loved me and healed me and told me that I'm enough just because I'm his child. I don't have to earn or deserve anything. And it took me a while to get there too, because then... um because nothing was free in my world there was like always uh or like consequence or something like it's always been um something like you know but it's what what I love about god and it took me a while to to get there but you know what He proved me by his faithfulness to me. And I do believe when he called me to write a book, he gave me this vision. And it was this master color book. And it was the picture of the jewelry on it. And I saw the banner with my face on it. And I was signing the books. And I literally had a panic attack because for twenty years I never share my story publicly. I wanted to tell my husband before we got married. I wrote him a letter, but he chose not to read it. He said, I love you for who you are now. Your past is between you and God. And it was great because like he didn't God didn't. asked me to write the book and go look into my past when I was baby Christian. He approved me again and again and again. Although, I don't know, it just like took me some time. I'm special case, like Joyce Meyer say, I'm like special case and it's special grace. I like that. Yeah, and it's been quite a journey. So in five years, he called me, look back. And I was so afraid. I afraid of the retribution. Maybe somebody find me. And I was afraid to just share my story with my husband, with the people around me. Because listen, guys, if you don't tell people who you really are, nobody knows. They know what you tell them and show them. And by that time, I already was a salon owner. I'm a mom of three kids. I'm volunteering in the meal ministry in the church. I have this huge church family community. I love Jesus. I'm living this life of the new creation. And I thought that after I got baptized, God never going to call me back and I going to bury that past and it's okay. And I was okay with that. But like you mentioned, the behaviors still show the trauma, no matter how we have to address this. But that time, like five, ten years ago, nobody talked about mental health or PTSD or the trafficking or something like that, the way we're talking now. And definitely social media helps. So you know that you're not alone. So more people come out and share your story, their story. So if you guys hear this right now and you feel shame, guilt, and condemnation, just reach out to someone. You're going to find the freedom there. Even like When it come out from my heart, I didn't realize how huge this burden is. Because what God says to me that time, he said that about, I want to be like as good as I can be, you know. But he give me this kind of... like words he said well when people asking you how you end up in canada you always give them carefully crafted story what that call a lie and it hit me so hard I'm like I am a lion christian oh wow and I was sitting with that and I'm like and it's it sounds so innocent because I was saying this like not completely truth Because I tried to protect me because I would never go in the past because I didn't want anyone to find out who I really was. But that called me out. And there was no shame in that. It just was really like, fuck. So I know God was speaking to me. There was no condemnation, no darkness. He just saying, and he didn't call me lying Christian. He just said, well, your carefully crafted story is a lie. and that's what I thought I don't want to be a lion Christian I'm like what can I do about it and I had no due date for the book I just start writing and it was three years process and I call it my therapy with God and guys I kid you not I cried so much But there was no shame. You know what I was crying about? How amazing and how faithful God was to me from beginning to the end. Because I already was reading the Bible. You know those verses about how he's wonderfully and beautifully made you in mother's womb. And he has planned for you and all that stuff. And I read about that. But you know how I thought about my life? There was my life before Christ. And when I got baptized, that was my life after Christ. But when he took me back, I realized, wow, I prayed to Jesus when my father was about to beat me and he didn't beat me. You know, I'm like, wow, God show up there. And then I'm like, wow, I came to pray to Christ on the veiling wall from the brothel. Wow. So I was just, oh, I didn't die there. This didn't happen there. And just like so overwhelmed with the gratitude. And now these days, wow. for my home, for my health, for my mind, for my life. It was like such an amazing experience because I said yes to writing this book to God only because I want to be obedient. I didn't want to tell people who I really was. I love the persona that I created. I love how people treated me. But writing this book just completely healed me, set me free. I reconciled with my family. I reconciled with that little Lena. I realized that it was not me. It was such a beautiful experience. And same as you were saying. about mom you know I start having compassion towards her rather than hate for for all of these years because I realized she couldn't give me something that she didn't have yes no I'm a mom I have three kids And I'm thinking like, what kind of mother I would be if I didn't have support of my God, my husband, my community. If I wouldn't have a hot water to clean them or food to serve them all the time. It's just thinking that, and Joyce Myers again said like, hurting people hurt people. And that's exactly what was going on with my mom. So I reconciled with my dad. I actually led my father to Christ because of all this experience. So it's such a life is amazing, you know, and I'm just so grateful to God that he gave me that story because I thought I just doing this for God. And for people, I want people to read this book. And by the way, there is no gory details. When I was talking to my editor, I said to her, I wrote everything in my manuscript. But when we created the book, I said, I don't want people to have therapy after this. There is no visual graphic or anything like that because I want you to see hope. I want you to see God through the eyes of the sinner. And I want you to read and think, like, if God forgives her that, I'm not that bad. Amen. Although God doesn't think like that, he doesn't have this barometer, oh, Lina's so bad. I know. Praise God. You know, everybody falls short of the glory of God. But for us as people, and I was watching even Joyce Farr. I keep referencing her because she changed my life. Oh, me too. I have to say, and I just came back from our women's conference in Tampa. I literally just got back, Lena. And it's crazy. Yeah. Get me a free ticket. No, I love her. I love her and her ministry. I love her. And you know what's interesting? When I heard her speaking, because my mother-in-law gave me her CD, that time CD, guys. So I was listening in my car and I was thinking, if this woman can say that from the pulpit, if this woman can love God after, if this woman can reconcile with her father after everything he's done, I'm like, I can do that too. Because I'm not as bad. At least my father didn't molest me because it's bizarre to think like, okay, everybody else raped me, but my dad didn't. But it's still because he's like my father and he didn't cross that boundary, you know, and they're like somebody's father did, you know. So I hope you hear or read my book and thinking, you know what, if God forgive her, that I'm not the last cause. And I want you to know that God wants you and love you. And if you don't know him or don't feel him, he been there from beginning to the end, you're No, the mistake you're a plant for a reason, for the purpose and everything you're going through have the reason and purpose. Sometimes it's so dark that you don't see it. But when you come out, just don't give up. Don't take your life. You know, it's it's so precious and it's going to serve not only you, because I was like refined in fire. I love my life right now because this is build me who I am today. And I love me. Not in like this crazy, like, oh, I love me. Look at me. I'm so, so proud of the woman that I'm becoming with the Lord. I'm, and he changing me too. He gave me this husband who is like just kind man. And like for twenty years, I'm learning kindness from this human because he has Jesus in his heart too. So I'm kind of like copy this behavior and Because I'm like, wow, I want to be that kind of parent. I want to be understanding. I want to be compassionate. And I go to God because I had a cold birth. cold, hard heart because of the surroundings and experiences and, and I have to learn and I have to go, God, make me good. Make me kind. I'm not kind. I want to be kind, but I'm not kind because I'm, I'm selfish, rude, obnoxious. Well, not, not anymore because I'm more, I'm with Jesus. I'm getting the fruits of the spirit, but I, Even sometimes like I'm competitive and all this stuff I want to take. And that's all from the luck. But now I'm with Christ. So I'm like, fill me with so much love that no matter what they say, I don't get offended. So nothing can touch me. But it's all process. You know, guys, it's like twenty years and ten years, like twenty years I'm clean and ten years I'm with Jesus. And every time he brings something, like you tell me, you follow, you obey about anything that he lead in you, because that's where the freedom is. That's what I do. He said, go like do like cognitive therapy. This woman came like because I was trying to do so many therapies because I'm like, man, I'm not OK. Something is going on and I don't know what to do. And I pray, I pray, I pray. I tried so many therapies. It didn't work out with me. But then this woman on the conference when I was selling my book and speaking and she was selling her book and speaking and she comes to me and she bought my book. She read the back, you know, I'm survivor of human trafficking and drug abuse and all that stuff. And she came to me. I was with my daughter getting my lunch and she was crying. She's like, Lena, I need to talk to you. And she said, God, three months ago, put it on my heart to create a pilot program for survivors. So I can help them to through cognitive therapy. She's psychotherapist. to to create new narrow pathways so deal with a postpartum depression and postpartum ptsd I'm like are you kidding me I've been praying for you for a couple years now because I'm like addressing my mental health and I keep saying god this is not it so god said okay I will renew your mind through this doctor through this exercise through this knowledge through this you're gonna do it and I kid you not guys like I've been the most stable I ever been because something happening I go to her she explaining oh this is the epitome of a plush and that's what family can do that's what you can do so now I know how to deal with that rather than let it overtake me so god is like still healing me still teaching me still renewing me but um that's why when he said go do and publish this book I'm like okay god But everything I ever did that he asked me to do, although it was scary, uncomfortable, difficult, he said to me, whoever loves you will never leave you. So my husband heard this story and loved me. My church, I spoke first in my church. Fifty people came, heard my story, and they love on me. And everyone who I ever share my story with just love, love, love, love on me. Nobody ever throw the stone at me. So if you guys think that your story is so shameful that you cannot share, trust me. Life is so hard, and people have so many stories that they don't share in. And everybody have a pain and struggle and suffering. Maybe a different way, but with the time I realized you don't have to be raped and abused to have a trauma or to have PTSD. Like everything that impacting you negatively can have a hold on you. and your behavior can show that so if you see that just just seek help there's help in this freedom go to god pray like he will open the doors like sometimes he heal you from something like like that like check this out after doing like for ten years and it's not like I'm not saying that And I don't want you to take that, oh, like, why it's not happening to me, because one thing I know about God, there's always reason for it. If he say yes to prayer, if he said no, if he said not right now, if he said wait, if, like, healing doesn't happen right away, man, it's all... For reason and for a purpose. So I don't want you to hear and say like. Oh she did the drugs for like. Ten years and her liver healthy. Like kidney healthy. Her mind healthy. And I don't drink don't smoke. And something happened to me. So do not compare yourself to anyone in this way. Just go like. Relationship with Christ is personal. It's between you and him, not between me and you. I pray to God to save me from cigarettes and he did. Yes. That's how I quit smoking. So you go and pray for yourself. pain and you know what and then you work through it with him if he said like go to the therapist go to the therapist like listen listen he will speak to you that's one thing for sure that God never did not show up for me with like when I pray for peace that one I have anytime anywhere but with everything else it's different answer and I always I just trust and obey like that song trust and obey there is no better way to be happy in jesus just to trust and obey so so that's why I'm thinking well and you know there was a so much uh great knowledge that you gave us in in that powerful segment and Several things stuck out at me. Number one is when our journeys to heal, they're individualized. And, you know, Father, the Holy Spirit, he took my spirit of gluttony and he took my coping through my food addiction and he took it. And now I've lost like ninety pounds and I'm becoming this new individual. But I didn't do that in my own strength. And he spoke to me through others, but I knew because we're his temple. And I knew that I had to heal that part of me that I had used, that had identified me all my life since I was that little girl that was trafficked by her mother. And who didn't even know? I didn't even know what happened to me was human trafficking until I wrote an article published in the National Library of Medicine. And so on our journey there, he's been with us. But he takes us like you through stages. And when you're ready, he's like, OK, kid, let's work on on something else. And he's such he's so good with us like that. And even when you said something to me and you said, well, I I was like, And I'm paraphrasing. But when you talked about how you didn't like some of the things you said, you didn't like who you were, you would get angry or you would get frustrated or you didn't like who you were. Well, that's trauma. Trauma is what made me have those emotional flashbacks to where I would be so sweet. And then I would go into this anger and terror and scream. And it didn't matter who was with me. And, you know, all of that and Pete Walker does a good job in his book about talking about that. That stems from our trauma. And I always knew I was one way and then I was different and I had a trauma problem. Trauma was what happened to me in between. And so when the Lord healed me, he took that impatience away. He took the comparison away. He took all those things and that was all a product of our environment that we grew up in. And we were cultivated in a womb of trauma. And so people have to understand those things matter. But Christ came to set us free and to heal us. And I too, Joyce Meyer was such a powerful woman in my life that the Lord led me to. He led me to Joyce Meyer because, you know, he had done a work in me. He had taken me to Ave Maria to be delivered. And you can hear about that in season one, episode one, my testimony. in Reflective Hour. And he took me there and delivered me. But he started then along the way when I was ready, showing me different women of the faith and Christine Kane and Angela Shire and And those. But I tell you, Joyce's style and what she walked through. And that was also something that I wanted to unpack. So many of us say, well, like I'm I'm sitting and I think you and I talked about this because when when I first went on your show, I'm like, well, but I'm not I wasn't trafficked in a brothel. You know, I didn't have that. But if we compare our ACEs score, our adverse childhood experiences score, mine's about a nine and I'm sure yours is right up there with a nine or ten. And it's trauma. It's the shame, the guilt, the fear, the regret, the emotional flashbacks, the memories that are housed in the amygdala that come out when we get, quote, triggered. And it was it was something powerful stood out to me also when you mentioned the cold. and you were touching that wall and it was cold and the cold centered you. You know, many times when I was doing a sexual assault exam as a sexual assault nurse examiner, the Lord taught me early on to turn on the music and I would pray, I would play very calming music, whatever the survivor wanted at that time. But I also would take a cold water bottle after I'd gotten, you know, the evidence and I was, they were, you know, I'd swab where I needed to swab and they were, and I would have them hold it in their hand. Even in the emergency room. And it's something ice cold that would just calm them and they would focus on the cold and it would center them and they would realize, wait, I'm not that little Lena. I'm not that little Tammy. I'm not that person that all that happened to. I'm safe and I'm loved and I belong. And I've been healed and transformed because what does his word say? By his stripes, you were healed. It's past tense. Christ died on the cross so we could be new creatures. And that's what you are, Lena. You're a new resurrected self. And so am I walking on these paths of narrow righteousness for his name's sake, obeying him. I don't know how it's going to end. I don't need to. I just look to Jesus. And as long as I can pour into others and show them the hope and love of Christ. And it's another thing you mentioned. Boy, this is God. He confirms it in two witnesses. When you said in your book, it's not about the gory details and not my book either that I just put out. When you know that you know that you know there is a God, his book, it's not mine. I know you'll say the same thing. It's the Holy Spirit. We didn't write those books. He did. But it was the hope. It was the love. It's about you're never too dirty to reach out for help. You're never too dirty to call on Lord Jesus to come and rescue you and get you out of that pit. There is no condemnation. And we're all filthy rags that he transformed. And when we realize that and we walk in that power and we walk in that strength and we walk in that might and we realize that the devil is under our feet and that he does not have a foothold in our life, that we have the power as believers. We have the authority. We have the control. Then we walk in it. We take it and we own this world. And we walk in the power that Christ Jesus gave us when he died on the cross. And we walk in that power. And we go and we say, you know what? I went through it. But like Joyce Meyer just said at her conference, I went through it, but I did it because I'm bringing you with me. I'm going to go back and I'm going to get you. So you know what? Today, Lena, you and I are going back. We're going back to the pit and we're pulling our brothers and sisters out with us one by one by one. They're coming out of bondage. They're walking into freedom and to who Christ called them to be because there is freedom at the cross and freedom in Christ Jesus. we went through it but by God he got us through it and by his grace and mercy we're going to get the others through wherever you are wherever you're hearing this you have been set free because Christ is in you and with you and if you need help There is no shame in getting help. There's no shame in going and calling someone. There's hotline numbers all over my website. It'll be the links and the show notes. There's hotline information. You seek out help. And yes, the Lord does call us to seek out help. I was a nurse for almost thirty years in the emergency department. God used me to help heal others. He uses people in the health care industry. He calls them into that field. So don't be afraid to reach out for help and he will show you and put those people in your path like you. That was not coincidence that you prayed and that lady showed up. That is a divine encounter and a God moment. And there are many when you follow God. There's no such thing as luck and there is no thing as coincidence. Lena, I cannot thank you enough for coming on our show, for showing us that for being that mighty warrior and woman of God. Everybody, I want you to check out Lena's Love and Be Loved podcast. And I want you to buy her book off of Amazon. It's called Miraculous, My Journey from Hell to Heaven. Lena, thank you so much for joining us. And do you have a last word for anyone before I set you and let you go be mommy and do all these many things that you are doing? Because I know that you're a busy woman and many need you. And so any last words before you exit our program? Well, actually, it's going to be about the boobs because this picture I saw it in the vision and I took this picture myself. This is my own jewelry that they precious to me. And why God put that there? Because they're precious. It's a beautiful metaphor. He told me that I am precious and priceless to him. And I believe that and I accept that. And I want to tell you guys too, no matter what lies you believe up to this point, know one thing. No matter what you did in your life and what you're going through, you are precious and priceless to God. And he loves you. And you are his child. And he will never leave you, never forsake you, and never give up on you. So have a wonderful day. Be blessed. If you don't know God, just pray, pray. And you know what? Sometimes we think prayer is something like too much overwhelming. Just speak to God. Speak just like you're talking to the friend and he will lead you and he will help you and he will help you to heal. And he will partner up with you for the rest of your life and guide you and walk beside you. So you are not alone and you are loved. Thank you so much, Lena. Thank you so much. God bless you. Keep you on your journey. Great things. He's got great things for you. There's still so many things that he is calling you to do. There's just so many open doors of opportunity coming for you in new territory that you are going to take for the kingdom of God. And that book is going to go far and wide. Right now, there are people listening to us from Kenya, from all over the world. And you are having that impact on so many. And that is who he's called you to be. You answered the call. You did it despite being a mother of how many kids? Three? Yes, three. What are their ages? I actually have a seven-year-old and a twelve-year-old twins, boy and a girl. Oh my goodness. Wait a minute. John said I'm going to give you double for your trouble, right? Or something like that. I don't know. He's got a sense of humor with those twins. Anyway, Lena, God bless you. His hand is on your life. And thank you so much for coming on this program and sharing your story. Thank you so much. Everybody remember to buy Lena's book. I'm going to put it back on the thing here so that you can see it. Let me get Lena's book up here and shrink me. Everybody make sure that you get Lena's book. What a mighty woman of God. What a mighty woman of God. I can't say anything else about that. I mean, and check out her podcast. She's been such an influence in my life. And I just want to thank all of you. Thank you for joining us on Reflective Hour with Tammy Toney Butler. Lord Jesus, a lot has been unpacked here today. Father God, for anyone that may find themselves triggered, I just call forth your peace and your protection. I call forth the strength for them to reach out for help if they need to, to reach out for help. Lord Jesus, I just pray healing over them, healing over those wounds that they never speak of. So many of them never even told what happened to them. They've kept it inside. And Lord Jesus, I pray that after today, they will confide in the one that you send them to. And that they will let go of the past and step into who you call them to be. Mighty men and women of God for the kingdom. Thank you, Father. Thank you for loving us, for healing us, and making miracles out of our messes. In your precious name, Lord Jesus, we pray. Amen. God bless you. Keep you. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for sharing this. Thank you so much, Lena. And there's something I need to say before I exit this. Something Lena said was very powerful. My husband, David, came into my life. And it's funny, Joyce Meyer has Dave in her life now. And it is his love of my husband. And it was Lena's husband. I don't know her husband's last name. I can't remember what she said, her first name. There's a story there. Good men that God sent into our life so that they can help support us as we heal, as we figure out who we are supposed to be. My husband supports me in this ministry. He is retired so that he could propel me and say yes to me when God calls me somewhere. And he's supporting us, this ministry financially and helping because I just say, listen, I had to quit my job. I had to go where God called me to go. I have to obey. He's doing a work in me and I just have to go bring the others. I mean, he let me go to the Joyce Meyer conference this past week and many, many women Oh, many, many women had such powerful words, and their lives were changed. And I say to my husband, God wants me to go here, and he just lets me pick up and go. And you know what he said to me? He said, all your life, you've focused on survival. You've had to live paycheck to paycheck, or you've had to work to make it, and you've had no one to depend on. And you could never, even as a child, because I was victimized very early, even before kindergarten and even cultivated in the womb of trauma and lost my dad to suicide. We buried him on Father's Day when I was fifteen. And my trafficking, which I now know the multiple sexual assaults, but more than one male started again very early, even before kindergarten. So I didn't know who Tammy, Tony Butler was supposed to be like Lena. We never got a chance because we were kids, you know, and this stuff happened to us. We got dealt a raw set of cards, as I like to say. But my mom had a choice, but she again parented in survival mode. So what choice did she have? And so she opened me up to being victimized. But my husband said, I want you, Tammy, to figure out what God wants you to do. He knew you before he formed you in the womb. And I want you to figure out who you're supposed to be and walk in that and become that person. that the devil tried to destroy. And stay tuned because God's up to something. He has opened so many doors in my life. He is birthing things I never thought possible. And many are being healed and set free. Many. Just by a touch. Just by a word. So when you follow this ministry, when you follow Reflective Hour, when you follow Reflective Spaces ministry, you get Jesus. Because I am nothing but filthy rags. And he set me free. So you watch him and you see him. Follow mighty men and women of faith. The women that come to mind are Joyce Meyer, are Christine Kane, are Priscilla Shrive. So many wonderful, wonderful women. And I just want you to reach out for help. You're never alone or two. And I want to thank all the men out there that are good men. That are good men. I would not be where I am without my husband. He is a good man. And he loves me. Just like Lord Jesus loves me. And the best thing is being yoked up with my husband. Because we are yoked up to Christ. And we are all together in this calling. In this ministry. And I owe my husband Dave everything. David, I should say. Everything. Thank you. Thank you so much. I find that when we're raw and real. and our authentic selves, that's when Christ does his greatest work. No facades, just messy. And he makes miracles out of messes. God bless you and keep you. That's today's episode of Reflective Hour. He loves you and I love you. God bless you.