Coping with Trauma Through Food

Content can be triggering for some, so please feel free to use discretion when viewing.

 In today's episode of Reflective Hour with Tammy Toney-Butler, we discuss coping with trauma through food addiction. For years, I was driven to the refrigerator as a means of dealing with the aftermath of childhood trauma, i.e., shame, guilt, fear, regret, and self-loathing. 

I used food as a soothing salve over a wound that never healed. I yo-yo dieted and went from one weight extreme to another until Christ delivered me from my spirit of gluttony and overindulgence. But wait, how did I get here? To this place of brokenness that led me to cope through a bag of chips, a foot-long sub, an entire pizza, a bag of cookies, a box of brownies, or a bottle or two of wine?

My journey is not a unique one, paved with misery and heartache, for so many suffer in silence like I did, never disclosing the root of the spiritual attack on my life that led me into bondage. 

Today, we explore this and more as we dive into scripture and God's promises to heal, deliver, and foster a victorious life over the bondage of temptation. 

Victory, freedom, hope, and an abundant life are possible when we surrender to Master Potter and become clay in His hands. Shaped, molded into daughters or sons of the King, instead of living as broken clay vessels, destroyed by satan himself disguised as a relative, ex-boyfriend, former colleague, parent, caregiver, faith leader, spiritual mother, or father. 

Trauma shaped our formative years, but we have the victory now! As new creatures, a new birth, into a royal family, Abraham's seed and heirs to the promise. 

Watch out; the Esthers, Deborahs, Davids, Ruths, Naomis, and Josephs are rising and taking their rightful place in the world. 

Let's dive into this episode and become empowered, set free, and ultimately healed! Restored into our authentic self and in alignment with our purposeful path designated by God Almighty, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. The Father of our precious Savior, Lord Jesus Christ.

Join Tammy on the Reflective Hour Podcast and YouTube channel for healing support. https://reflectivehourwithtammytoneybutler.buzzsprout.com/

You can purchase her book on Amazon Kindle, "When you know, that you know, that you know there is a God." 

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Transcript

Welcome to today's episode of Reflective Hour with Tammy Toney-Butler. But we all know who the real host of this show is, and that's Christ. Today He has placed on me a message. He wanted me to come on live and to give this. I've had little or no preparation, but that's the way he works. Because even if the ninety-nine are safe, he always goes after the one. And I know what it's like to be the one that he sends someone for. In my greatest need, there's been people that have been sent at just the right time. So today, everyone that's listening to this from all over the world, know that he has sent me because you may be the one, the one that is going to fulfill a kingdom purpose like never before and has been under such attack spiritually, physically, financially, in every way. But today, that ends because victory is ours. We are assured of it as followers of Christ. Holy Spirit, come have your way in this time together. Let them see you and not me, Lord Jesus. Let them hear your truth and penetrate bone and marrow and that there be instant deliverance for your people that are in bondage. Because even if they leave Egypt, Egypt can still be in them. You've called us to have abundant life. We will walk in that today. Remove any blockages, any hindrances, any barriers to the word penetrating and getting into the heart. Because what's our goal? To have the heart of Christ and mind of Christ. Holy Spirit, we call forth your presence, your anointing, because we know the anointing breaks the yoke. And no longer will your people suffer in silence and succumb to the bondages placed on them and no fault of their own. Many of them children when they were afflicted, when the enemy came to their door disguised as maybe a mother, a father, a religious leader, a caretaker, boyfriend, girlfriend. You never know where the predator, the controller, the wounder is going to come from. But we know that in Christ Jesus, we can be victorious over any storm that we're facing. Father, give me the strength to deliver this word. As I walk and speak as you'd have me to your sheep, Father. This is a deeply personal message. reflective hour where I'm going to be raw and real and let you guys see some photos of me and my journey as I struggled to cope with shame, guilt, fear, regret, self-loathing, the aftermath of trauma, the triggers that come with trauma and that trauma cascade of hormonal dumping and emotions. Many of you know I survived child sex trafficking and the loss of my father to suicide. We married when I was a teenager. I had abusive relationships along the way and several addictions that the Lord has set me free from and delivered me from. I coped for many years through food. I was addicted to it. I would eat for comfort. Now I did grow up many times with the refrigerator being empty, especially close to a payday. I do remember that and us not having food or, you know, maybe having a loaf of bread and nothing to put on it, but some ketchup or some potato chips. And then you got down to just having a piece of bread and then you just got down to packets of ketchup, right? We all know those of us that struggled. So that did play a part in it. And I also remember being made to dig through the trash through dumpsters when the food was thrown out behind stores and being made by my mom and one of my abusers at the time to go through the trash. I can't tell you the shame that went along with that as cars would drive by and I would worry that my friends from school would see me digging in the dumpster. It just lets me know how much Christ has delivered me from and the abundant life that I have in Christ Jesus. That's why I owe him everything. That's why I'm a woman on a mission to bring his hope and healing to a lost and dark world so that you too can understand and know that you will be set free, that you can be, that you will walk in abundance because that's what his word says. So let's dig in and dive into what he has for you today. He had me create a quick PowerPoint presentation. Those of you who are listening to us or will listen to us through Buzzsprout and other podcast platforms, you may want to jump over to our YouTube channel, Reflective Hour with Tammy Toni Butler. I'm also streaming it on Reflective Spaces Ministries site because it's an important message and he wanted me to do that. So you can, I say site, but their YouTube channel. And that is our healing ministry, Reflective Spaces Ministry. But everything I am is because of Christ. Everything I am is because of Christ Jesus. And yes, I'm sold out for Him. For Him. Everything I do is for Him. And I cannot tell you enough of how much He has saved me from, walked with me through, and pulled me through. And He has given me strength and courage when I needed it the most. And I believe before the PowerPoint, I'm feeling my spirit leading me to get into scripture. So I'm going to grab my Bible and open it up. And actually it started today. I was reading a devotional and it was about courage and being brave. And it reminded me of David and his courage when he faced Goliath. And many of you are facing a Goliath when we talk about food addiction, when we talk about obesity and losing weight. And I can remember going to doctors and they would always say, well, you know, your BMI is high and you're overweight and you need to lose weight. And, you know, I'd yo-yo up and down, up and down, up and down. But I never got the question of what happened to you. I never got that. Why was I eating like I was in my diet habits? Had I ever been taught what healthy lifestyle looked like? Had I ever been asked if I was a victim of trauma? No. The answer was no. So I was judged before I was actually offered the appropriate treatment. And I don't fault the system because as many of you know, I'm a sexual assault nurse examiner. I was an ER nurse for almost thirty years and I have recently retired my license because I realized I was never supposed to be a nurse. Trauma chose nursing. And that's a whole nother episode and a whole nother story that I'm sure Jesus is going to lead me to one day to give you, but I'm not ready to dive in to open that can yet. So let's, let's put the lid back on that can for right now and go back to the obesity and coping process. portion. And so I coped with the things that happened to me through food and I would yo-yo up and down, lose weight. I think at my heaviest, I was probably two hundred and seventy-five pounds. And it's only recently, I would say the past year and a half, two years, of a healing journey that's really been going on since around twenty seventeen, twenty eighteen, twenty nineteen. You know, this this spiritual walk and being filled with the Holy Spirit or recognizing it anyway. And so I just want all of you to cut yourself some slack and give yourself some grace. If you're struggling with a food addiction of any kind, even if you're on the other end and struggling with anorexia, just know that not everything's black and white and us as caregivers or nurses or faith leaders, we need to understand and have a trauma responsive pulpit to recognize that people have struggles. And they may have something hidden that you don't know about. And maybe they're coping through smoking, coping through an opioid addiction or an alcohol addiction or a sex addiction. But what you don't realize because you haven't peeled away the layers of the onion, when you get to it and look and trace back their juvenile records or trace back their past, you see a wounded little boy or girl who was sold into sexual slavery or who was sold to pay the rent or, you know, or that is part of it, or who was sold for drugs or who maybe lost a parent through divorce, through deployment, through cancer. Maybe they were a victim of a national, you know, a natural disaster. Maybe they grew up in a war zone, but they experienced some type of a trauma or traumatic insult, and that can shape and mold them. I mean, I realize now I don't believe I was ever supposed to be a nurse. I believe that I was always supposed to deliver the truth of God, of the gospel, of his word, you know, and speaking his words and delivering his truth as he, you know, as his ambassador. But trauma was a choice back then. You know, there was a choice back then for a teenage pregnant mother. And that choice was, you know, going into nursing or going into being a school teacher. But there was not a choice to go into seminary or anything like that. And God has really prospered me through that, gotten me through to this amazing CV. I have an amazing CV. But even though I have an amazing CV and accolades and I'm a published author and all that stuff, I was empty and dead inside and still struggling with a food addiction and other addictions. And it was only through Christ setting me free that I overcame all of that. And I am living that victorious life and bringing it home to the food piece of this and this segment and what it's about is, you know, are you coping through a food addiction? Then food became my release, my way out. And I just knew that I gained weight and it was hard for me. It was hard for me to lose it. And it was only through a friend who I had mentored and who also, you know, the Lord really used her to speak through to me that I realized that I had to change. And so I'm going to deal with that aspect in just a minute. But now I'm going to go back and look at the scripture that he wanted me to read, because we were talking about the courage of David. And even if you're facing your Goliath and your Goliath is an addiction, that storm, you can overcome it. You won't do it in your strength. You'll do it in his. Cause look at David. David didn't fight Goliath at his strength. He fought with, with Lord Jesus, you know, with Abba father, he, he fought in, in the strength of, of, of, uh, God, I should say, um, And I just want to open this up. And it says here, just reading the description, and I'm going to be reading out of First Samuel Life Application Study Bible that the Lord took me back to. You can see my Bible's gotten a lot of use. This was one of my older Bibles that I used. And it was talking about this section with David and Goliath. And it said David had armor to match Goliath's, but it was invisible. And David went with the two weapons he knew he could rely on, his trust in God and his shepherd's sling. When others looked at the Goliath, they saw an opponent too powerful to defeat. When David looked at the Goliath, he saw a target too big to miss. Now let's read the scripture and then I'm going to give you my interpretation, or I shouldn't say my interpretation, but what the Lord had showed me. And David said unto Saul, thy servant kept his father's sheep and there came a lion and a bear and took a lamb out of the flock. And I went out after him and smoked him and delivered it out of his mouth. And when he arose against me, I caught him by his beard and smoked him and slew him. Thy servant slew both the lion and the bear, and this uncircumcised Philistine shall be as one of them, seeing he hath defied the armies of the living God. David said, Moreover, the Lord that delivered me out of the paw of the lion and out of the paw of the bear, he will deliver me out of the hand of the Philistine. And Saul said unto David, Go and the Lord be with thee. And that's first Samuel, seventeen, thirty four through thirty seven. And let me read. He also wanted me to read the same section out of the New Living Translation. But David persisted. I have been taking care of my father's sheep and goats, he said. When a lion or bear comes to steal a lamb from the flock, I go after it with a club and rescue the lamb from its mouth. If the animal turns on me, I catch it by the jaw and club it to death. I've done this to both lions and bears and I'll do it to this pagan Philistine too, for he has defied the armies of the living God. The Lord who rescued me from the claws of the lion and the bear will rescue me from this Philistine. Let's unpack that just a little bit before I get into the PowerPoint. It speaks to my heart so many levels. So number one, David was going after the one. It speaks of a shepherd that speaks of Lord Jesus going after the one, even if the ninety-nine are safe. And it's in his strength that David defeated Goliath. And it is in his strength because he is with you. Even if you are that one struggling with addiction, whether it's food, sex, alcohol, drugs, whatever it is. Whether it's maybe it's depression, whatever storm you're facing, he will deliver you. He is with you and it is in his strength. And he will send someone to speak a word into you. And it's up to you to decide if you're going to do something with that word, harness the power of that word, let that word penetrate your heart or whether you're just going to excuse it and say, yeah, that's not for me or wax, put wax over your heart. I know that I wasn't ready to shed my food addiction. when he was working on me with everything else, with insomnia, with letting go of the wine, letting go of the roots of some of the trauma. I had to uproot some of the trauma the things that have happened to me and let go of the shame and the guilt and the fear, the regret and the Holy spirit had to truly, you know, transform me inside out for me to have that strength and that knowing and be able to hear that word, let it penetrate when it was spoken by a friend and recognize that I was destroying myself through food. My mother lost her battle with obesity and trauma. she was wheelchair bound. She was obese and she, she passed away earlier than she should have. And she never dealt with her trauma. And I don't fault my mother for open me up to victimization. She had her own trauma. She never dealt with, she never spoke up and she coped through various addictions. And so I was opened up to that, uh, generational, uh, pathway of coping through addictions and trauma. And it was a repetitive cycle. I can remember my grandmother smoking mini packs. I can remember my mom. I don't have a whole lot of memories, but I remember there were pills. I remember that. And she had like anxiety or she had other issues, but she towards the end, she coped through food and, and it, she had obesity, which, you know, led to diabetes. And I too had gained so much weight. And there were times I was two seventy something, then down into the two forties. And then I got down to maybe one sixty five, I think. And, you know, had a marriage there for a while that Let's just say I had to weigh after coming home from a twelve hour shift because I had everything that I would eat watched. And it was a very controlling, manipulative marriage, my first marriage. And, you know, Christ delivered me from the leftover residue of that and the trauma of that and the triggers of that. I mean, I would step onto a scale and I would get so triggered at the doctor's office. I'd be sweating. I would be sweating before I had to weigh in. as I'm sure many of you feel. And I also didn't want the snide remark or under the breath remark about the weight. Because unless you deal with the root of obesity, unless you deal with the root of smoking, unless you deal with the root of addiction, the trauma, the childhood trauma, then you're not going to heal the side effect, which is the obesity. You're not going to heal that. So unless we change our perspective and instead of saying what is wrong with you, Why aren't they listening to my discharge instructions? And look through the lens of why can't they adhere to them? Where is the blockage? What is stopping them? And offer them counseling. Offer them, and if it's faith-based, offer them Christian counseling. Offer them trauma therapists. Offer them a pathway to deal with the root so that they can move into that abundant life, which is taking me layers by layers and year after year. It is a continual process and the Lord has delivered me from so much. And I will tell you that he took me to this place. Well, I was in a place of brokenness. So, you know, I think I need to pull the PowerPoint up now because I have no idea. This is all him. So I'm just going to pull it up and, uh, You can see my PowerPoint, Coping with Trauma Through Food. And that was the name that he gave for this episode, which I didn't see coming. I literally just threw this together on Canva and put it in PowerPoint mode. Coping with shame, guilt, fear, self-loathing, depression, and blame can all lead to overeating. It also can disrupt your sleep. Is there hope, freedom, victory, freedom from addiction? Absolutely. Can you see a way out of the darkness? You're not alone. You can feel like you're in a tunnel of despair, but I can tell you, you are not alone. You are never alone when you follow Jesus. A meaningful life is possible even in the face of addiction. This is me. Christ broke every chain. What you don't see in this picture, the first picture before you get to the headshot of me that you guys see around, because if you follow me, the Lord has blessed me by speaking on multiple platforms and empowering men and women everywhere I go, uh, with the testimony of Jesus. But what you don't see there is I had lost all this weight. I was down to like, I had kept it off for so many years during that marriage and then, um, got a divorce and, um, you know, I thought I was going to be married for life as a woman of faith and, and that didn't happen. And, um, I got out of that marriage and that set me on just a different pathway. And I maintained it for a while, married my amazing husband, David, several years later, but I didn't deal with the root. I had an amazing husband, David, had a peaceful life now. I had an amazing career as an ER nurse. And, you know, I'd had publications, so many things, but I was empty and dead inside because I'd never dealt with the root, the childhood trauma, the rape, you know, it being human trafficking, because I was, my mother gave access to me to different individuals in order at that time to bring in money for rent or, you groceries or other things. And, you know, lost my dad to suicide. He was going to be my way out. I'd lost him earlier through a divorce, Vietnam before that. But nobody came to my rescue. And so there was things and storms I had to walk through. And I don't know where along the line I used food, but I started using food to cope. And that would just make me sicker inside because I would go eat a huge sub sandwich and a big bag of chips. Hour later, I'd go eat something else. And I just couldn't stop. I just couldn't stop binging and eating. And then I would be filled with so much shame and look at the scale and cry and even thought about abusing diuretics and other things in order to lose weight for my weigh-in with my first marriage when he controlled everything I ate and even exercise. And I went to the gym excessively. And I don't fault him. I've forgiven him, forgiven my mother. I don't walk in bitterness or anything like that. You know, I was a mess. And, you know, he, we just had our different paths. But the love of my husband now, who has said to me, you know, be all you can be and heal and And, you know, focus on figuring out who you were always supposed to be before trauma visited your door. Well, that led me through such a journey and a pathway to figure that out. And it allowed me to heal on the grounds of my, you know, ten acres of land that the Lord graced us with. You know, we sold everything to follow him. I live in a little tiny house, five hundred and I think twenty four square feet or seventy four square feet. And that includes a front porch. Some people would say it's a little mobile home. To me, it's the greatest thing ever. I face the lake. I'm actually looking at the lake now through the camera and seeing the light shining off of it shimmering and shining. And it brings me such a peace and calm. And it looks like Psalm twenty three come alive. And I've got birds everywhere out there and, you know, cows grazing. And and, you know, I just wanted to bring you into that peaceful moment with me because it often causes me to be able to be still and to focus on the moment and get still in his presence. And so I feel like I'm rambling because I'm a little bit nervous to disclose these things to you. So I felt really low, you know, I'd maintained that hundred and sixty, maybe hundred sixty five pounds for so long, hundred seventy pounds. I don't exactly remember the number. And then I gained it all back. And what you see in this picture is I was, you know, volunteering for organization at the time and And I'd come out as being a survivor of sex trafficking, but I'd never dealt with the root, the trauma, the shame, the guilt, the fear, the regret, the betrayal of a mom, of the loss of a father. And so as I unpacked all that, which took a while with me and the Holy Spirit and him educating me and shedding layers and doing a lot of journaling and looking inward, he had someone basically speak to me and remind me of some things. I don't remember we were doing a Bible study in the barn. And this stuck out at me. And in today, he wanted me to pull this up in several versions. And it's First Corinthians six, nineteen to twenty. And I'm going to start with the NIV, the New International Version. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you've received from God? You are not your own. You were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies. And now let me read out of the message version. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? I mean, God sent his son, Lord Jesus, to die on the cross to save us from sins. And Jesus was beaten by his stripes. You were healed. I mean, we don't have to carry this stuff. We've been healed. We don't have to. We don't have to. We can be victorious over all this stuff. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole work. So let people see God in and through your body. Now, King James Version, First Corinthians six, nineteen to twenty. What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost, which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price. Therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's. Well, that really said something to me. That really spoke to me. And I remember this individual was working in the barn with me at the time. And we were, you know, maybe I was doing a healing session. And she was speaking to me. And I said, oh, my gosh, God's speaking through her. Because then I was back up and I gained all this weight. And I probably was around two forty seven. I'm not exactly sure. Definitely over two thirty. And you can see in this picture here. And that was actually, you know, I remember now that was around twenty nineteen, twenty twenty, much after I spoke at membership assembly for the American Nurses Association on Human Trafficking. And then. You can see the picture. On the right, I believe it's your right. It's me wearing the black. That is my husband's on the other side. We're holding up a sign, says A&K Ranch. And that's when the Lord called us to sell everything, follow him and get our land. And I had gone up to New York to volunteer during COVID. I had left Oak. nonprofit that I had been involved with for several years. I'd helped open up their house, their safe house. My husband and I had done a lot of renovations and then the Lord had pulled us from that, you know, and they had gone on to their journey and we had gone on to ours and then had gotten the land. So we purchased the land. I think this was around Twenty nineteen, twenty twenty in this photograph. And so you can imagine how I felt because here I was and I gained all that weight back and I thought, oh, my gosh, I'm over forty. I know how hard that was to lose it. I can never do that again. And I was it was I was making all these excuses, but I'd started to have signs of diabetes. I had started in that. Remember, that's what killed my mom. early and remember she never dealt with the trauma. So it was a cascade of heart trouble and everything that spiraled off of the obesity. Because when we lose weight, we can often not be diabetic. We can often, you know, read, you know, especially, you know, if you quit smoking, you can heal your lungs. If you stop, you know, and lose twenty, thirty pounds, even you can move yourself from being a pre-diabetic, you know, to not being and not requiring anything. And that really hit me because I thought, you know what? I'm at a moment in my life. I'm following God. I'm a woman of faith. He's got me going to and fro. I'm trying to bring the others through, but I'm also a little bit of a hypocrite because I have an addiction still to food. So I'm in bondage and I'm thinking, wait a minute, I'm in bondage. And so this was over a course of a few hours that I realized my friend was saying to me, you know, you need to lose weight. You need to really focus and you need to deal with this. And through prayer, I went back and forth to the barn and I was actually struggling with an internal struggle within myself. Because I thought, wait a minute, I got to surrender that to God. All I've ever known is obesity, overweight, coping through food. The real thing was I was coping through food. So what was I going to use to cope for comfort? And then the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, well, you got me, you know, because, you know, Jesus is our comforter, our advocate, our healer. That was never my portion. And then I went back out and prayed with my friend and we discovered that there was a spirit of gluttony that had somehow come and gotten introduced into me. And so we rebuked that spirit of gluttony and I rebuke it off of you now in the name of Jesus and work through that. And I said, you know what? He's right. I'm going to be victorious and I'm going to conquer this. I am. Because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And it's in his strength and not my own. And I thought, you know what? I'm victorious. I need to take care of his temple. And he spoke to me very clearly, very clearly in my spirit. But I heard it. More than once, there was a warning. You know, he kept speaking to me and I kept not listening. And I knew through my friend that this was a final word from the Lord. Many of you have received final words. Don't go down that path. It's not going to end well. Don't do that. It won't end well. And you know he's speaking to you, but you're hardening your heart to him. You're turning away. And he was speaking to me very kindly. and trying to help me, but I wasn't listening. Because I kept saying, God, heal me. My back aches. My legs hurt. I'm dizzy. I'm this and that. But I was killing myself through food and pre-diabetic. So, I mean, he was trying to show me the way. And he said to me very clearly, I have plans for you. But you have to be physically ready and capable of carrying them out. And I need you to take care of your temple. And so I thought I'm not going to thwart the purpose of God and the call he's had on my life and how many others need deliverance and help and healing because nothing was more important to me than doing God's will. Nothing, nothing compared to the peace and glory and joy that comes from being set free by Jesus. And he had already lifted and broke off the icky, the shame, the guilt, the fear, the regret, and self-loathing. I didn't need that. And I realized, you know what? He's right. I've been healed. I don't need all that stuff because I have Jesus, the cornerstone, the foundation, my anchor in any storm. And I went back out and I said, all right, your will, not mine. I said, all right, God, you got it. All right, Holy Spirit, Lord Jesus. All right, I give it to you. But I said, now what? Now what in the world do you want me to do now? Because I don't know how to be healthy. No one ever showed me. All I knew was dysfunction. I don't know how to eat appropriately. I don't know how to say no. And I knew in that moment because we prayed and I got delivered and something broke off of me. And it was a spirit of gluttony and it left me. And then there was this, I can't describe it, but I was lighter. And I knew that I could do it. And I went inside and I don't remember if I started that day or if it was the next day, but I knew. And I asked the Lord, take it from me. Take the desire for the overindulgence, the overeating, the comfort eating from me. Take it from me. No longer let me see food as such. a means of escape or you're my sustainer. You know, you're my bread of life. So help me to eat from you so I never hunger again and drink from your living water so I never thirst again. Help me to look to you, God. Instead of looking to an idol of this world. Whether it's food. Whether it's power. Whether it's sex. Whether it's overworking. Whatever you're using to cope. Whatever temptation you're succumbing to. Will slowly destroy you. If you don't give it to Lord Jesus. He set me free of it. And I lost everything. down and now I weighed this morning and I think now remember I'm five eleven and a half maybe five ten depending because they say you shrunk at one time I was almost six foot and this morning I was around one hundred and seventy seven point nine one seventy eight point three depending on what puts on the scale and Wow. And I just don't have it anymore, guys. I don't have the drive, the desire, the longing for food. I eat healthy. My husband and I, the Lord has had us on a plant-based diet, you know, and getting rid of non-dairy, you know, getting rid of dairy and going non-dairy, looking at fructose, which is hidden sugar sucrose in those things. And finding the hidden sugars. And we have there was a PA working with my husband at the time. He just recently retired from the sheriff's department and has made, you know, he wants to get his temple healthy, too. And he, too, has lost like twenty something pounds since we've been on this this plant based diet. And it's easy. And we eat apples and I choose an apple over a bag of chips. And I choose grapes now. And I've learned this new healthy lifestyle. But Jesus, it was only in his strength. It was only through him. And when I surrendered it to him and said, oh, no, not me. And he spoke to me. And at first when I started, I said, OK, all right, God, you want me to do this? Basically, I mean, I got a little attitude with him. All right, show me. What do you want me to do? And I heard clear as a day, fifteen hundred calories a day. And I said, now, wait a minute, Lord, I think I probably was eating about four thousand. I might be exaggerating. You want me to do fifteen hundred calories? Get real. Fifteen hundred calories. And I heard it again. Not in your strength, but in mine. And I'm I'm paraphrasing, but. It was in my spirit. And I realized, you know what, you're right. And I said, all right, then, Lord, take it from me. Anything that is going to entice me or keep me from sticking to fifteen hundred calories a day. And I did the same thing with wine. I said, I don't want to taste for it. I don't want to taste for it. I don't want it. I don't want to have to have it. Now, I'm not telling you that I absolutely never, ever drink because that would not be true. But for the most part, I don't drink. For the most part, if I have a little salmon dish, I might have a little taste of alcohol with it. But it's all in moderation and control. And it's just different now. I just have Jesus and I cope with him and he gives me the abundant life and I just don't need any of those things. They don't define me. Trauma doesn't define me. I've moved past it into a victorious life. And that leads me to this slide. Now, I was at this Joyce Meyer conference and a colleague or a friend, a prayer warrior, took that picture of me. and we were in front of that poster of Joyce and the Lord led me to that conference and he led me back to where all this stuff began, began in Georgia. And I didn't expect to go back. I didn't expect to be, to literally go in between two storms, you know, a front that moved through Florida and then hurricane Milton was coming behind. And I knew if I had to go to, to Georgia and go through, through the areas where I had been abused and victimized and hurt and tortured and destroyed. I had to go through the darkness, through past the dumpsters, that I used to dig in probably past or reminded me of them past where I used to go to school in an area of Georgia. Had to go past all that. I had to drive past trailer parks that looked like where I grew up. And I had to go through the darkness. to truly be in his marvelous light and have that victorious life. Because what I realized was I was no longer in Egypt and Egypt was no longer in me. I had been set free by Jesus. No longer sex addiction, no longer food addiction, no longer needing a sleep aid to get to sleep and drinking a couple of bottles of wine or a bottle of wine that wasn't recommended with I sleep like a baby. I rest on the pillow of the promises of his word. And I have abundant life. I am the richest woman alive right now. I feel. Because I don't go by feelings. I go by faith. And it's in his strength and his courage that I come to you today to show you this side of me, to take you back through this photographic journey of my own struggles, with a food addiction, but now being victorious in Christ Jesus. And that is what I want to leave you with today. That is what I want to share with you today. Is no matter how broken, no matter how broken, No matter how you perceive or see yourself, he'll see you through. You just have to surrender those dark places to him. It's hard to give up control to someone. Someone. And I looked at God, you know, as a someone, as a male, and I'd been victimized. So you want me to surrender to Lord Jesus? You want me to surrender and let go of control? How do I do that? Would you rather an omnipresent God who's everywhere, who sees everything? Would you rather him be watching over you? Or would you rather be doing things in your own strength? I knew I was dying. I was already dead inside, but I knew physically I was destroying my body, his temple. And I had to make a turn. Many of you are facing addiction and you need to make a turn. I want that turn to be towards faith, towards Lord Jesus, towards a relationship with him, not just scriptures. but a relationship with him. He is a good father. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He is one that you can trust. He will not harm you. He was there even in my brokenness, but I shut my heart to him or I didn't see him. Or he got the blame by me when actuality, I'm sure he spoke to my mom and there were moments she could have chose a different path, but she didn't. She chose a path of opening me up to victimization, an easier path for her, but what choice did she have? Cause she too was a victim and was parenting in survival mode. These are difficult choices. These are difficult things that we have to deal with. These are difficult questions. These are difficult times. We have to understand the role that trauma plays, cut ourselves some slack, recognize that you're not gonna quit crack cocaine and quit smoking and quit binge eating all in the same time or alcohol addiction. You're not going to quit all this stuff at once. It's a layered process. It takes time. Maybe you need the cigarettes to cope with the fact that you just quit the drugs. You know what I mean? I mean, give your, cut yourself some slack, you know, Look at the progress you've made. Look at how many days you've had sober. Look at how many days you've had without looking at porn. Look at how many days you've had to where you chose faith over fear. Take it day by day, minute by minute, second by second. Don't worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow's got enough trouble of its own, remember? Give it to Jesus. Let him see you through every obstacle you're facing, every obstacle you're facing, every trial, every tribulation. Draw from his wellspring of living water. You're never too dirty. You're never too covered in shame. I've done horrible things. I've hurt others. But he lifted me up out of the murk and the mire and set me free. the woman with the issue of blood, the woman at the well in Samaria, you're never too dirty. There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. There's love, there's deliverance, there's hope. By his stripes, ye were healed. He already did the work on the cross. You don't have to do the work. You just have to believe that Jesus is the son of God, was raised from the dead, sits at the right hand of the father, And you have to say, Lord Jesus, be the Lord and Savior of my life. Holy Spirit, fill me up, guide me, renew my heart, renew my mind. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And truly submit in your heart and surrender in your heart. He will deliver you. He will set you free. And in an instant, you'll be transformed and delivered. In an instant. The healing journey takes time, but there's a weight that will be lifted and broken off. Even now, there's someone struggling with addiction. There's someone who's depressed. He's breaking the yoke of bondage off your life now. He's breaking it off. Or you've seen an unveiling, you've seen the truth. There are things that you've never spoken of. And maybe I'm here today because you're the one that I'm coming after. Maybe I had to face my own lion and my own bear. The Lord's had me out in the pasture. He's had me here on this land, working the land for years, teaching me, helping me shed layer after layer. Maybe you're in your own lion's den. You won't survive it in your strength, but you will in his. He'll pull you out and you'll be victorious. His grace is there for us. Salvation. Mercy. It's all freely given. You can't earn your way to heaven. You just have to believe in Jesus. And he will help you lead a transformed life. And one moment in his presence changes everything. He is the light and vine of truth, ranging off into every area of your life, healing you now, penetrating bone and marrow, setting you free from addiction now in the name of Jesus. Break in the name of Jesus. Healing is your portion. Deliverance is your portion. Thank you, Father. Thank you, sons and daughters of the king. He's waiting, waiting to you for you to call out to him, to ask him to deliver you from it. Whether it's a sex addiction, some other type of addiction, whether it's from working too much, Whatever is an idol in your life, put it aside and put Christ front and center. Seek first the kingdom of God and all else shall be given unto you. It's the hour of repentance for a nation our world. He's calling his bride, his faithful remnant. Are you ready? Are you waiting? Is there oil in your lamp? Are you a dead church? Are you alive with the spirit of truth guiding you into all truth? I break off this deception that's been on the body of Christ. I call forth peace and truth and abundance, love and unity in Christ Jesus. He who the Son sets free is free indeed. And that's this episode of Reflective Hour with Tammy Toney-Butler. God bless you. Thank you.