A Special Memorial Day Healing Message

This Memorial Day, we remember all those lost to war, either in the war zone or after their return home. We speak to the countless numbers struggling with complex PTSD, and even though they left the war zone, the war zone is still plaguing them today.

Today, Tammy Toney-Butler dives into the pain of loss, the questions that go unanswered after the death of a loved one by suicide. She discusses her loss of her father to suicide as a teenager when he lost his battle with complex PTSD and coping through various addictions. He survived Vietnam, but the war never left him. Marcel, her father, was a police Captain for years, but sadly took his life.

Healing is messy. Trauma is messy. War is messy. Travel along Tammy's healing journey as you tune into this or past episodes. 

Content can be triggering, so use discretion. 

Transcript

Good morning, this is Tammy Toney-Butler with Reflective Hour. I'm your host, but we all know this podcast's host, and that's Christ. Holy Spirit, come have Your way, show them Your love, Your grace, Your mercy, Your compassion, Your peace that surpasses all understanding; be with them this day, Father, as they process the darkness and seek the Light. Today is a difficult day for many who are remembering the loss of a loved one due to war, a loved one due to the aftermath of trauma after serving in Vietnam or other war zones, Afghanistan, leaving the war zone, but the war zone still being inside of them. Memories, negative thoughts, tough, tough choices they had to make based on survival.

Soldier, forgive yourself.

Don't feel guilty for being alive today when so many perished. Because of you, because of your sacrifices, many lived. It's tough when you're in a war zone, you have to make difficult decisions in a moment, decisions that alter history, that change lives. Forgive yourself, I've forgiven you. There's no judgment here, there's no judgment here, there's no judgment here. Let today be a day of Light, hope, peace, and joy as you choose to dwell on the here and now, not looking back, not looking back. 

You can't have one foot in the past, it takes both feet to be in today, it takes both feet because you're going to need one to start stepping into all God's called you to
be; your testimony, the strength, the courage that you possess, you possessed then to survive, that courage, that strength, that fight, that's within you. That fight that made you a soldier to begin with will carry you through now.

War is not the end of your story, complex trauma is not the end of your story, you're an overcomer, you matter, you're worthy, you're strong, you're forgiven, you're forgiven, you're forgiven. It's so hard to move past loss. I lost my father to suicide, and we buried him on Father's Day when I was about 15 years old.

I loved my dad, and I know he loved me the best he could. When he got back from Vietnam, he wasn't the same. He divorced my mom early and then went on to be pretty much an absent father. He had an affair and left us, and I didn't see him
much, and then darkness visited my door, and I survived many horrible things. I think guilt plagued my father, so many things. For so many years, I would ask why? Why did they die? Why did he die? Why did he take his life, and then the Lord revealed to me, the Holy Spirit, on my healing journey, that some questions have no answers, and the secret to moving on is to stop asking the question. Stop asking the question, you won't get an answer, and if they were alive I don't even think they could have answered it themselves. 

Trauma's ugly, trauma is messy, it's messy; healing is messy wounds open, they bleed. When we're caught in an emotional flashback, a trigger we can't even describe, it's like a tsunami of emotions that take over, anger, rage, so many things, shame, just disgust. Noises bother us, smells, and it threatens to take us back, but I've learned in my own path, don't go back, refuse to. Use the strength that's in you to say "oh no no no no no I'm not dwelling there anymore, I'm a new creature in Christ Jesus, and I get to have abundant life, I get to have abundant life. I get to have peace, there's no shame, there's no condemnation in Christ Jesus. I've repented of all my sins. I've already asked Him for forgiveness, and He's forgiven me. He doesn't remember them, and now I walk as a child of the Light. 

So days like today that honor those that were lost no longer destroy me, Father's Day no longer destroys me, instead I focus on what I have, the lessons learned, the battle scars that make me who I am. I'm strong, I'm courageous. I'm victorious in Christ Jesus. I focus on the abundance that I have, and I'm grateful. I don't focus on the lack. I don't look back, I refuse to go back, I refuse to go back, I refuse to go back. I am healed, I am whole. I will only think of those things that are pure, noble, just, and right, that bring me joy and peace. Even though I'm in the middle of a war zone, in a dark time even in history, I stand firm and steadfast, anchored in the sure foundation in Christ Jesus. I can't be shaken, I can't be moved, I'm sure-footed because I'm standing on the Cornerstone, on the Rock. I've been built on the,
Cornerstone, nothing will move me from my post. I will have joy, I will have joy, I will have Heaven on Earth. I choose Heaven on Earth. I will reflect Heaven on Earth.

I will walk in peace and joy and love, love for my fellow man, compassion and mercy for all those who are lost and broken,  in need of a Savior. Jesus is waiting; He was waiting for the woman at the well. He was waiting.  For all that you are is in Him. Keep striving, keep moving forward, keep going despite the days that remind you of what was lost; instead, look at it as a day to honor all those who gave their life for your freedom, our freedom.

War is ugly and messy, but let's focus on remembering the courageous men and women who gave their lives for our country and who gave their lives all over the world for their countries.

It's complicated, it's messy, but soldier, you survived, and I honor you today as well because a piece of you died every day, and even though you left the war and you didn't necessarily die in the war zone, you felt dead inside for years. You have felt dead inside for years, but not anymore. Today's the day you join my strength because my strength comes from Jesus Christ.

Rejoice and find strength in Him. Renew your strength in Him. He will help you. He will help you cast all your burdens upon Him and know He's waiting to see you through this day and every day. He's always with you, even if you can't see Him.

To all those who've lost a loved one, these days can be hard. You'll get through today in His strength. Focus upward on Christ, and He will give you what you need to get through the day. And if the loss is fresh, the death of a loved one is so fresh, you may want to check out my Grief Series.

I lost my baby sister only a few weeks ago, and that was my journey. It's raw and real, but it's there. It's called the Grief Series; it's a playlist, so any of you who've lost a loved one and that loss is so, so real, don't hesitate to check that out. 

God bless you and keep you this day and every day. In the name of our precious Lord Jesus, we pray for your peace, peace that surpasses all understanding. We renew your strength like the eagle.

 Bask in His peace, bask in His Glory.

 Glory be to Jesus. Glory be to Jesus. Glory be to Jesus. Glory be to Jesus.